When grief hurts: coping with loss
There are days Annemieke Henri has to make herself leave her home in Bowness. Widowed just months ago, she knows that it’s important for her to be around other people. She knows it’s good for her to get her own groceries, attend Mass and meet up with long-time friends to golf, bowl or snowshoe, activities she enjoys. Henri also knows that her forays into the world sometimes do little to stem what can feel like a rising tide of sadness. Grief is like that. Even when you have others to grieve with, you grieve alone.
Henri’s husband, the beloved Deacon Albert Henri, died August 28, 2018. Diagnosed with stage four lung cancer just 48 days earlier, “he’d never been sick before, never been in hospital,” recalls Henri. A mother and grandmother, she grieves Albert’s loss in her family. “I also grieve his loss as a deacon’s wife. We were deeply connected to the parishes of St. Bernard’s and Holy Name.”
Does Henri take comfort in her faith? Absolutely. “At this point, I hope and believe that Albert is in heaven; that he is home. Without my faith, I would have been really lost.” But make no mistake; while faith gives Henri a kind of life raft, there are days—and moments in almost every day— when it doesn’t feel like the raft will hold.
When grief fuels despair
Peggy Tan knows what it feels like when grief fuels despair. Several years ago, Tan lost her mother and father-in-law in close proximity. “It was devastating to our family.” Struggling through the intense emotional pain, she joined a grief support group at her parish, St. Michael’s.
Now known as Grief Share, the program runs for eight weeks beginning in January and September. Those who need more immediate support are linked to a companion program. “We are not counselors, but we listen. It’s good for the person who is grieving to know they are not alone,” says Tan, one of the three parishioners who coordinate grief support at St. Michael’s.
While most GriefShare participants are Catholic, many begin the program angry with God. Following a Christian program developed in the U.S., GriefShare uses prayer to help participants rekindle their trust in God, says Tan.
Annemieke Henri hasn’t ruled out joining a support group in the future. For now, she seeks comfort in family and long-time friendships, including one with the widow of another deacon. She is also learning that it’s okay to sometimes want to be alone in her grief. On Christmas Day, for example, Henri took a few hours away from family to be alone. “I started fretting about that first Christmas alone way before Christmas. I took some time that day to feel that deep loss, to want it to wash over me and to feel my connection with God.”
As grief is a profoundly personal experience, it’s not uncommon for people to reach out for grief support years after a loss, says Tan. “People have to be ready and the Holy Spirit will guide them.”
Written by: Joy Gregory
Rob moved into his new apartment on Feb. 13, 2018. After six years of sleeping in a room that held up to eight men a night, he was eager to wake up in his own space. Since Valentine’s Day 2018 marked the day Rob would be able to get up when he wanted, he went to bed excited by the promise of the next day. After six years of not having a home to call his own, he looked forward to being able to make himself a cup of coffee he could drink while watching the morning news. He planned to sit at the table given to him by a new neighbour and watch a TV donated by another resident of his new apartment building. Life, finally, looked good.
But sleep was difficult.
“For the first week and a half, it was tough,” remembers Rob. He’d slept on the floor before, so the fact that he didn’t yet have a bed was the least of his worries. The real issue was the wall-to-wall silence. “At the DI (Drop In), there was always noise. Here, it was so quiet.”
Walking for change
Hundreds of people will participate in the Downtown location of four Coldest Night of the Year (CNOY) walks being held in Calgary on Saturday, Feb. 23. Money raised at the CNOY Downtown event funds two of the Calgary Catholic Diocese’s biggest social justice projects, says Samantha Jones, Event Coordinator, on staff with the Diocese. “This is a fun and family-friendly fundraiser and we really encourage Catholics to come out with their families and friends. You can walk two, five or 10 kilometres and the money supports Feed the Hungry and KAIROS Calgary.”
KAIROS is an ecumenical group of churches focused on Social Justice issues in Calgary. Its share of the money raised at CNOY Downtown goes to HomeSpace, a charitable real estate developer that owns 521 units of rental housing in 27 properties across Calgary. KAIROS used CNOY funds to help pay off the mortgage on an affordable housing project in Acadia. Money from the 2019 walk will help pay the mortgage on Bankview Apartments, the building where Rob rents one of 27 units rented to single people, couples and small families.
Affordable, safe, supported -- and quiet
HomeSpace properties are operated in cooperation with other community agencies, including The Alex, CUPS and Alberta Health Services, explains Rina McDermott, who works with HomeSpace. “It’s important to help people find a place to live. But people who have been homeless often need additional support. They may need help preparing meals or learning how to clean their units. At Bankview, CUPS provides that wrap-around service to our residents. We want them to be successful.”
This year, McDermott will walk the downtown route with her work colleagues and a group of Vincentians from St. Peter’s parish in the northwest Calgary. “St. Bonaventure, St. Patrick’s and the youth group from St. James in Okotoks are regular contributors, too,” says Jones, who’d like to see more Catholic churches and church-based groups support the walk.
“We typically get about 400 walkers—but there is room for 900. One of the best things about this event is that kids are welcome and the route we take often gives people an opportunity to meet and visit with some of our homeless neighbours.”
As an added bonus, the Saturday-night event includes a rest stop with hot chocolate and it ends with a chili supper sponsored by Boardwalk Rental Communities, one of the city’s largest housing rental property managers. Boardwalk also funds a Feed the Hungry dinner once a year.
Peace, at last
A year after moving into his apartment, Rob spends his days helping out around the building and working on cross-stitch pictures he sometimes sells. He looks forward to being able to use his balcony when the weather warms up—and he treasures its view of the city where he’s lived most of his life.
Unable to work but determined to stay busy, he sometimes goes back to the DI to help prepare and serve lunch and to visit friends. Having struggled with addiction, he never invites those friends back to his apartment; that would be too risky. Rob knows what it’s like to be evicted and he doesn’t want to live that pain again, especially not when he has it so good at Bankview. While he doesn’t know all of his neighbours, Rob volunteers to help cook when they gather for communal suppers. “I really like cooking. I did a lot of that at the DI and I like doing it here, too.”
These days, he also treasures the night-time silence at Bankview Apartments. The peace and quiet used to hinder his ability to fall asleep. A year later, that’s what “home” sounds like to Rob.
Written by: Joy Gregory
Starting off a new year with at least one resolution is a common practice. We promise our self to change something, to put something behind, or to embark on a newly formed habit. This new year 2019 consider a pilgrimage as part of a new year’s resolution. Pilgrimage can be as varied as the people considering them; not only as a metaphorical image of life itself, for we are all on a journey heavenward. What we hope to gain or to satisfy is part of an inner journey that we make, often to a physical place of religious significance. It can be an act of curiosity, a devotion to atone for sins or to implore a grace for ourselves or others.
If you are one of those who are contemplating a pilgrimage this year or perhaps leading a group yourself there are some tips that you should consider when planning or organizing a pilgrimage.
For further information on planning a pilgrimage, feel free to contact Mary Ann Donaleshen at 403-466-2432.
Sunday January 6, 2019
Written by: Mary Ann Donaleshen
In order to celebrate the Dedication Mass as well as Masses for Christmas and New Years, the parish sought a temporary occupancy permit from the city. A permit could only be granted after the building passed a safety inspection. On Wednesday the 20th, just two days before the dedication, the building did not pass. Several things needed to be done in order for the building to be considered safe for the public to access the Church. The city is responsible to ensure the safety of anyone who enters a building under construction explained Fr. Avi.
“The pews needed to be anchored down, exit signs needed installing, the roof needed to be clear of all debris, the construction materials like dumpsters had to be fenced and the parking lot cleared of ice,” said Fr. Avi.
On being asked by an inspector if he had a back-up plan, Fr. Avi motioned to the heavens saying, “He is my back-up plan.” Then he, along with the renovation committee and many gracious volunteers set to work.
Finally, on December 21st with just a half-hour before the rehearsal for the dedication would begin, the inspection was complete and the permit was granted.
“There were people crying when I announced it,” said Fr. Avi, “We had all worked so hard. The inspector was surprised that we were able to get so much done in such a short time.”
When the dedication Mass took place, emotions ran high for the people who knew what had occurred in the days before, “I was numb and I was praising the Lord for the miracle that he’d performed,” said Fr. Avi.
Though the walls of the church are still unpainted and there is still work to do, the Dedication Mass was a moving event, especially for those who hadn’t yet seen the new worship space.
Christopher Rappel, renovation committee member who is active in many roles at the parish cited Bishop McGrattan’s homily saying that actually, perhaps it was fitting that the Dedication took place amidst the renovations because the church is a work in progress, and so are all of us.
Sandra Will-Krile who serves as part of the renovation committee among other jobs within the church noticed the awe with which the parishioners entered on the day of the dedication. With newly anchored pews, a high sloping ceiling and lines that point to the altar, the new space certainly made an impact.
She said the renovation committee were constantly updated on the progress, so in preparation for the temporary opening, they saw what needed to be done more than what had already been done. “But when the people walked into the space and I saw their faces,” Sandra said, “it was then that I saw it through their eyes.”
The church was full for the Dedication Mass, which “went so smoothly,” according to committee members, despite the seeming chaos that had ensued in the days prior. It was a beautiful moment for all of the parish to see their work and care come to fruition.
To a few parishioners, the anointing of the altar stood out as one of the most beautiful moments during the dedication Mass. The time and care with which Bishop McGrattan took to anoint the altar and walls was noteworthy, as this is the first time that many in the parish had witnessed a rite of this kind.
The feeling of welcoming within the walls of Ascension doesn’t happen by chance; with nearly seven thousand parishioners, Ascension boasts over 900 volunteers active in the parish who might be called the lifeblood of the community. On top of those volunteers there is an active chapter of Knights of Columbus and of the Catholic Women’s League.
Fr. Avi, along with the renovation committee members are ever grateful to these families for their support both financially and physically as the process of taking the building from two semi-separate spaces to one unified sanctuary.
The community currently celebrates Mass in the hall and downstairs rooms. The Mass is projected on screens for the people not present in the main hall. During this time, the outside perception is that this is a rather painful burden for parishioners, but volunteer coordinator Sharron Robinson, along with renovation committee members are telling a different story.
“I think the sense of community is probably even greater with the renovations,” Sharron said,
“The volunteers step up that much more.”
When asked if the current Mass arrangement feels like fragmentation of the community, both Christopher Rapell and Sandra Will-Krile disagreed saying “No, in fact, I think people have adapted to the space that we have quite well.”
They both spoke of the parishioners as a resilient community pulling together to make the space at the church work rather than attending Mass at a school, which was their alternative.
To that end Fr. Avi who had been through parish renovations before said that it is challenging to maintain the sense of community in a different building, “so I asked the construction company and consultants if we could do this in stages.” Evidently, that approach has worked for the congregation, who have worked together to make not only two parishes one, but two sanctuaries into one unified space.
The big hearts of the community has never been more evident, said Sandra, than after New Year’s Day Mass when the new sanctuary had to be cleared of everything but the newly installed pews so that the work could restart.
“We expected maybe fifteen or sixteen people to help move things back into the hall, but we got fifty or sixty!”
As their pastor and renovation committee members would tell it, the people of Ascension are unafraid of hard work and lending a hand to anyone who needs help. With that spirit pulsing through its veins, they have every reason to look forward with hope to the future.
Written by: Jessica Cyr
Unleashed - A book review
Sonja Corbitt’s personal transparency of her humanity and wounds invites the reader to consider their own families of origin and subsequent life choices. Each of us have wounds and our protective responses created hurdles to the healing Christ longs to give us through the gifts of the Holy Spirit, Sacred Scripture, his Mother Mary and the Church. Often these hurdles will present themselves as patterns as God, our creator, is a God of order. They have value in our spiritual growth as our predominant fault will be revealed providing opportunity for the Holy Spirit to heal. The revealing, though painful and humbling, allows for us to see and experience the tenderness and persistence of our Lord. He desires wholeness for us. It is through cooperating with his grace we let go of fear, learn to trust, and He tenderly releases us from destructive relationships, habits, circumstances and desires.
However, Ms. Corbitt does not delude the reader into thinking this will be a quick fix. She recognizes that God allows patterns to reveal exactly where He wants to work. Ms. Corbitt recognizes the courage and challenge required of the reader to identify the worldly comforts that have become unsatisfying but provide an illusion of control or protection. Her heart-felt examples articulate her understanding of suffering and the hope it brings when God’s mercy is allowed to mold it and we submit to his timing. Furthermore, she is delightfully brash in encouraging us to ask of God and seek the desires of our heart.
Ms. Corbitt presents a solid foundation and understanding of scripture, church teachings, and lives of Saints on which to build the map to “unleash” the reader from the “patterns” which have become destructive. The Holy Spirit works with us - as is - and through the Word. He creates order from disorder. “The Holy Spirit works outward to inward and in an upward spiral to God” (p. 37). Ms. Corbitt is gifted as a writer, and intertwines personal narratives, scripture and teaching. Therefore, one reading will not be sufficient to fully comprehend her message. Ms. Corbitt finishes each chapter with a review and invitation to guide the reader to deeper understanding and healing. This book could be utilized as a devotional, reference or group study.
The new year encourages us to reflect and pursue newness, change or growth. Even if you are not at a point of dissatisfaction or crisis, but you have come across this brief review - consider it an invitation to explore your spiritual development. If like myself there has been a pervasive experience that is demanding change, or begging for healing - grab a copy of Unleashed, cooperate with the Holy Spirit, risk trusting and embrace the journey of healing.
Through insightful illustrations and applications, Paprocki helps us orient ourselves to seeking the good of others, of recognizing and setting limits, of rediscovering the beauty in the ordinary, and seeing ourselves as we truly are; mortal human beings unconditionally loved by our Creator.
Perhaps fittingly, the most insightful question Paprocki challenges us to reflect on is in the final chapter. Like the disciples on the road to Emmaus, Jesus challenges us to see ourselves within the story of Scripture, to open our eyes to the mystery of God’s presence, and let our hearts be kindled for the journey ahead. Paprocki asks us, ‘What sparks a fire within your heart?’ then leaves us with these words; “The God we seek is on fire, has a mission, and invites you and me to be a part of it. Imagine that.”
Dr. Lance Dixon currently serves as Director of Campus Ministry at St. Mary’s University. Formerly an Anglican priest in Toronto, Lance moved to Alberta with his wife and children when he became a Catholic educator with Christ the Redeemer school division, and most recently with Calgary Catholic school district. He is passionate about the new evangelization of the Church for mission in today’s world.
Come and see
The theme of Rise Up 2018 was “Come and See” (John 1:39). I was amazed at how much I felt called to “come and see” what God was doing throughout the conference. I was raised Catholic and have placed God at the centre of my life, but I knew that there was still so much that the Father wanted to reveal to me.
On the third night of the Rise Up, all of the students were given the opportunity to be prayed over by a CCO missionary and member of the religious. While I was being prayed over, I could tangibly feel God’s presence and knew that He was calling me to be bolder in my faith and how I share it. Having been Catholic my whole life, it had been easy to fall into the routine of the sacraments and campus ministry, forgetting how life-changing the message of Jesus is.
After being prayed over, I went back to my seat and told God in prayer, “Before I can go out and do your work, I need to be truly convicted in my Christian identity”. Right away, He answered my prayer. God gave me a beautiful image of myself adorned with a crown of flowers and spoke the word “daughter” to me! This reminded me that I truly am a child of the King and that God desires for all His children to come to this realization, as well.
The conviction I received that night at Rise Up gave me the confidence to be more courageous in how I evangelize to the people in my parish, school, and day-to-day life. Experiencing God again and His personal love, I’ve been filled with the desire to invite other people into a relationship with Him and to “come and see” what He has to offer them.
Written by: Mary Serafini
Photo: Catholic Christian Outreach
You are called to become a saint
You are called to become a saint. You have a God-given mission. Catholic Christian Outreach (CCO) has been speaking these truths into my life since I met the university student movement while on campus 13 years ago.
I came to know the personal love of Jesus by doing a faith study with a CCO missionary when I was 22. Since then I’ve been to the annual Rise Up Conference seven times in six different Canadian cities, but this time was different. I got to go as a workshop presenter with my husband on the topic of ‘holiness in the world.’ It was inspiring to hear the ways young adults are boldly living their faith in the world, and eye-opening to hear the challenges they are up against in the culture.
Catholic Pastoral Centre Staff and Guest Writers