The unexpected path to fatherhood

Having served as a priest early in his life, Lance Dixon says that the slow ramp of becoming a spiritual father had accelerated his learning of how to be a father to his own child.

I must confess my road to fatherhood started off a little shaky. On the day I was to turn 26 years old, I was facing the terrifying reality of becoming a father - but perhaps not in the way one would expect. You see, on that day (All Saints Day, November 1, 1996 to be exact) I was also going to be ordained an Anglican priest, and I simply was not ready for people to call me 'Father' Lance! In fact, I was so determined to avoid this moniker that in my first homily as a priest I vainly urged the congregation, with a little tongue in cheek, to consider calling me 'Sonny’ Lance. (After all, I was the age of most of their children at the time.)
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Of course, the congregation, knowing me quite well by this time, ignored me, causing nothing of the ecclesial revolution I had hoped for. And to be honest, as one would guess, it was not the term at all that terrified me. It was the responsibility that went along with it. To be suddenly thrust into a position of spiritual authority over the life of a community is a daunting call, and I felt the gravitas of what I was taking on increase the closer the day.

Looking back, I am grateful for that terrifying ordeal. Unexpectedly, that experience prepared me for the even greater responsibility of being a father to my children.  You see, as a spiritual father to a congregation, I could go home when I had enough for the day; I could call in sick I just wasn't feeling up to toughing it through another annual garage sale; I could neglect the odd duty, and a host of veteran lay workers would swoop in to fill the gaps. The upside was, that in the midst of these moments of neglect, I slowly learned how to take responsibility for the spiritual life of the congregation, how to be present to others in their time of need, to speak truth in love, to attend to both big and small things as the shepherd of their gifts. 

And thank God I experienced those moments as a spiritual father to others, because in the first weeks after my child's birth, the only thing I could focus on was how completely inadequate I was at parenting! As a father of my own child, I didn't have the luxury of going home when I was tired of hearing the baby cry, or calling in sick when I just didn't feel like changing her diaper in the middle of the night or ignoring a tough decision on how to pay the bills to keep a roof over the head of my growing family.  The slow ramp of becoming a spiritual father had accelerated my learning of how to be a father to my own child. 

When I look back, two things helped me embrace the challenge of being a father for my children. First, in learning how to be a spiritual father to others, I had come to rely on there being grace for every journey we go through - including parenting. Second, what kept me from being overwhelmed by how inadequate I was as a parent, was the complete joy and wonder of that little child in my hands. As I stood there in the middle of the operating room, time stood still, my mind completely enraptured in the miracle I was holding. 

Okay, reality check. I now have countless broken household items, a hundred temper tantrums, and several round trips to the emergency ward between me and that moment. Which is why I’m so grateful when, amid the messiness of parenting, the Spirit nudges me to pause and ponder the wonder-filled gifts my children truly are. 

A little over eight years ago, my time as an Anglican priest came to a close. I continue my faith journey in the Catholic Church, supporting our schools as chaplain and teacher. My three daughters are teenagers now, and they seem to come up with new things for me to have to get my head around. So, in short, I'm still finding my way through parenting. But one thing at least is for certain; I will always find firm ground on the grace and joy that is at the heart of being a father. 

Dr. Lance Dixon