ROMAN CATHOLIC DIOCESE OF CALGARY
  • Blog
  • About
  • Give
  • News & Events
  • Ministries
  • Contact Us
  • Parish Finder
Picture

Is our anger in the loving service of justice?

6/9/2021

0 Comments

 
Picture
Sometimes children reveal experiences which then help encourage revitalization. Even simple, trivial remarks influence choices to improve our normal state. Each day contains invitations to do and be better – to better show love.
 
There is a story that I often have opportunity to share which I think illustrates this point. At that stage of our family life it was my more common practice to attend monthly recollections – reflections offered to men that helped us in our lives as husbands, fathers, and professionals. My wife herself enjoyed similar gatherings for women (and has done a better job of making these a priority in the ensuing years). While the content was always worthwhile, I don’t happen now to remember the particular topic of that evening. In the midst of it however, the priest mentioned his experience in the Confessional of commonly hearing wives and children speak of their fear in the face of husbands’ anger. And he thereafter continued with the rest of the meditation.
 
When I returned home that night my wife asked how the recollection had gone and I explained the topic, which I then remembered. I also shared Father’s comment about fear in the face of husbands’ anger. And I added, “Is that funny?” By this I meant, isn’t it strange that some families have that experience. My wife replied, “Not really.” Having not experienced abuse in her childhood, and more importantly to me, my having never been violent, I asked her what she meant. She commented further, “Sometimes your anger seems so big.”
 
That whole exchange has remained with me since then. And I began paying attention. I noticed my own response to being around other men when they exhibit ‘big anger’ and how their families did as well – my work as a marriage & family therapist sometimes places me in the midst of such experiences. I won’t argue that anger is never appropriate, or that being loud isn’t sometimes useful for drawing attention where needed. Neither will I deny that some women struggle with expressions of their own anger; please remember that I have lived with nine daughters. But I echo Aristotle who wisely commented that when, to whom, about what, and with what intensity we express our anger are also important considerations.
 
The fact that it is common for wives and children to be fearful in the presence of their husbands and fathers should make us pause. Communication, of which anger is a subtype, is meant to share and benefit relationships. Non-destructive argument is meant to advance better ways by which to relate. And relationships are expressions of love, whether conjugal, paternal, platonic, or simply human. Is our anger in the loving service of justice, or is it prideful self-assertion?
 
One of the readings at our wedding was from 1 John. There the beloved apostle writes that we love because God first loved us (verse 19); we chose this as a motto for our family. But in the verse right before it, the Holy Spirit communicates through John: “In love there can be no fear, but fear is driven out by perfect love: because to fear is to expect punishment.” That this Fathers’ Day would see a renewal of and recommitment to love in all families.

Picture
Written by Wayne Ottenbreit for Faithfully. ​Wayne writes as an educator, psychotherapist, husband, and father to nine daughters. Through a family business they offer online courses in support of family life, relationships, and personal growth. These can be found at VivensAcademy.thinkific.com
0 Comments

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Author

    Catholic Pastoral Centre Staff and Guest Writers

    Archives

    March 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018

    Categories

    All
    Advent & Christmas
    Art
    Bereavement
    Bishop Emeritus Henry
    Bishop McGrattan
    Book Review
    Care For Creation
    Catechetics
    Catholic Charities & Development
    Catholic Education
    Catholic Schools
    CCCB
    Christian Unity
    Climate Change
    Consecrated Virgin
    Conversion
    Covid 19
    Culture
    CWL
    Development & Peace
    Devotions
    Diocesan Event
    Discipleship
    Ecumenical
    Elizabeth House
    Environment
    Euthanasia
    Evangelization
    Faithful Living
    Faithfully
    Family
    Feed The Hungry
    From The Bishop's Office
    Fundraising
    Funeral
    Grieving
    Health
    Health Care
    Homelessness
    Indigenous
    In Memoriam
    Interfaith
    Jubilarians
    Lay Associations
    Lent
    Lent & Easter
    Liturgy
    Marian
    Marriage
    Mary
    Mass
    Mental Health
    Migrants
    Miscarriage
    Mission Mexico
    Movie Review
    Music
    One Rock
    Online Formation
    Ordination
    Parenting
    Parish Life
    Pastoral Care
    Pastoral Visit
    Permanent Diaconate
    Pope
    Pope Francis
    Prayer
    Pray For Peace
    Priesthood
    Prolife
    RCIA
    Reconciliation
    Refugee
    Religious Education
    Religious Freedom
    Religious Life
    Resources And Guidelines
    Sacred Art
    Safe Environment
    Saints
    Scripture & Reflection
    Seniors
    Social Justice
    Stewardship
    St. Joseph
    Synod
    Vocation
    Youth And Young Adults
    Youth Ministry

    RSS Feed

GET TO KNOW US
Our Bishop
Offices & Ministries
​Our Staff
Read our Blog
Catholic Community
​Lay Associations
CONNECT WITH US
Contact us
​Careers
​Parish Boundaries

News & Events
Faithfully
​Reporting Abuse
NEED INFO ON
Becoming Catholic
Marriage Preparation
​Vocations
Annulment 
Sacraments Prep
Catholic Funeral
GIVE TO
Diocesan Ministries
Together in Action
Feed the Hungry
Elizabeth House
Your Parish Church​ 
​Other Ministry

Catholic Pastoral Centre  | 120 - 17th Ave SW, Calgary, AB  T2S 2T2 | ​Phone: 403-218-5500 | communications@calgarydiocese.ca
Charitable Number: 
10790-9939-RR0076​. Donate Now.
  • Blog
  • About
  • Give
  • News & Events
  • Ministries
  • Contact Us
  • Parish Finder