A hundred days ago, my husband and I said our vows before the altar of our Lord. If you were to ask me five years ago if I would be where I am at now, I would not have imagined this present moment. In fact, sometimes when I wake up in the morning and he greets me good morning, I would still think to myself, “Oh right — I’m married!”
Quite honestly, sometimes I feel it has not sunk in… but then again, it has only been 100 days. These past few months, friends have always asked us, “How’s married life?” Almost every time, I would mutter a quick, “oh it's great", or "well, it's new!" and such.
But how is it, really.
I have always thought that it will be an easy “transition” to the married life for Ryan and I because we have been together for many years, but I was caught by a surprise: I thought I knew him well enough; however, since we’ve been married, I have learned many new things about my husband! Don’t get me wrong: I knew what I was getting into — that the man I was going to marry was a man of values and had the characteristics I prayed for.
By new, I meant those things that you don’t really discover until you live together. And while some may think that you first need to experience living with someone before you marry them, they are completely missing out — being married (and now living together) gave us more reasons to get to know each other on a more meaningful level. While it could be difficult sometimes, I’ve learned that through those “new” experiences, we could still love each other even more.
“You need to communicate.”
Talk about the little things. Do not complain, nag, blame, or accuse. Your spouse cannot read your mind, and you cannot assume the other person knows what you’re thinking or feeling! There will be some occasions when they will know something is not right, but one cannot always expect this. It's important to cultivate patience, especially when your spouse does things differently than you do — and even more when you think your way of doing things is much better. Ha!
Experience the Gift
Be a gift and allow your spouse to be a gift to you — to love you without speculating that they only do things for you out of obligation because now, you’re married. Allow your spouse to accept you and love you, knowing that they will find your self-offering a gift that is precious. Cherish and serve them because you love them. Allow your spouse to do the same and do not question or limit their love for you despite of however little or much they seem to do. Every time I ask Ry to do something for me and he isn’t really up for it, he would always say jokingly, “It’s okay! I'll do it! Die to self!” It’s our running joke, and although he says it tongue in cheek, I appreciate it because I know that he is not only giving all he can, but he is giving all that he is.
I know we have a lifetime ahead as husband and wife, and even many more experiences, challenges that will come our way. We pray that this commitment of constantly choosing to love will always draw us back to the self-giving love that Christ had for his Church. May we always see this marriage as a gift that points and leads us to Christ. After all, our vocation is to lead each other to heaven.
Marriage is an act of will that signifies and involves a mutual gift, which unites the spouses and binds them to their eventual souls, with whom they make up a sole family – a domestic church. ~ Pope John Paul II
Written by Karissa Factura.
Photos courtesy of Karissa & Ryan Factura.
Catholic Pastoral Centre Staff and Guest Writers