In memory of Micheline Paré

​Laura Tysowski pays homage to her late role model  and author of The Passion of Loving, Micheline Paré. In her letter Laura shares what she learned from the book and what she wished she told Micheline before her death. Micheline Paré worked as a Compassionate Care Consultant and as the Diocese of Calgary Pastoral Care Coordinator at Rockyview Hospital. Her message of love and hope is something we all could benefit from at a time of loss.

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My Dear Micheline.  

When we met for the first time somehow our souls locked. I was sitting in the front row and you came up to me with a smile and touched my hand and whispered in my ear "You are beautiful". It's been months since we last talked. I'll never forget the day we first met at St. Cecilia's Roman Catholic Church.  It was May 17, 2018 at the Diocesan Pastoral Care Course #84. "Caring with Compassion".

I sincerely apologize for not getting back to you sooner. As Benjamin Franklin once said, "Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today. From this I learned the value of time; snatch, seize, and enjoy every moment of it.  No idleness, no laziness, no procrastination:  never put off till tomorrow what you can do today.

I was wanting to go and have coffee with you at the Rockyview General Hospital and maybe I could volunteer with you in working with the elderly.  I did complete the course, "Caring with Compassion" and now I'm an Exemplary Pastoral Minister.

I have the two books titled "The Compassion of Loving" you signed and gave me during the course. I have two because I promised that I would get one signed by the Honorable Senator Dan Hayes who wrote the preface to your book "The Congruent Compassionate Approach".  

I did indeed get this done but not soon enough. On December 7, 2018 my mentor Rita Gerwing, advised her ministers of your passing.  Coincidently that same day Kathy Hays dropped off the autographed books. As I wasn't home she left them by the door. My husband, Bert went out to retrieve something from the front porch and found the books. When he gave them to me I couldn't believe my eyes. I knew then that you were trying to tell me something.
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I listened and read your book "The Passion of Loving".   I have this picture of who I am and ultimately who I would like to be. It consists of my goals and ambitions and is forever changing. I have a positive attitude and I'm full of energy. When I see people I see "LOVE". 

Your book literally touched my heart. In some of your excerpts I felt as if you were talking about me. In my teens I volunteered in a Nursing Home helping to feed people unable to feed themselves. They so wanted to eat but there were so few people to assist. Later in my life, my father, Guido was in a nursing home before he passed. He was, oh so lucky, as he had nine children, including his immediate family who would attend his every need and if not just sit and be there with him. I would usually take him to supper with the other residents. I can't tell you how many times I'd meet your "John" there. For no reason, than to help, I always tried to attend to their needs. Now I know why.  

I so agree with you when you say "illness or age makes the task of daily living, and the quality of the relationship between the resident and the caregiver presents one of the most pressing challenges, but also one that is among the most satisfying".
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These words bring tears to my eyes. My husband, Bert, who is a gentle soul, got sick in 2015 and it's been the most challenging years of my life. We would have these fights and to relieve the stress I would leave the house for a while and cry. I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out a way of dealing with this so that both our needs are met. What I didn't know then was what was inside your book.  

The transformation in our relationship after reading your book has been nothing but a miracle for me, and I'm so grateful. Although I was compassionate and caring, I was also so very angry inside. I would see him cross the room and notice how frail he's getting and it would break my heart.  To change and be able to show him compassion, sympathy, empathy, considerateness, tenderness, kindness, sensitivity and my unconditional love that I feel for him has changed our lives.  

Today I am now the Coordinator at Swan Village Evergreen, and I cherish every minute of my Ministry. I have a mentor, Rita and a helper, Editha. They are both beautiful souls. Together we say the rosary and do Communion Services with the Seniors every week. Once a month Father comes from St Patrick's Parish to do a full mass.  

Now finally we have come full circle. "The Passion of Loving" has given us the expertise, understanding and all the lessons we can take and cherish from your book. You were an exemplary role model, and your dedication was so admirable that others would do well to copy it. 

For me, a lesson learned. For the rest of my days, I will try to emulate you. I know I have big shoes to fill so I may need a nudge once in a while. I heard what you were trying to tell me. 

I shall keep you close, Micheline Paré, in my heart and prayers always.  

Thank you for sharing.
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Laura Tysowski
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