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Finding God in the midst of mourning

5/2/2024

1 Comment

 
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We have a beautiful special needs daughter who brought new meaning to “joy”.  Hannah never learned to speak our language, but I could feel her love and her enthusiasm every minute I was with her. Hannah completed her earthly ministry in July of 2022 and left me with the biggest hole in my heart. Fortunately, a student and a wonderful friend of mine helped me see that where there is death, there is new life also.

I had been happy in my faith and was not looking for more. But when I attended Mass with my friend I was totally blown away. I could not believe how close I felt to our Lord during the Eucharist. I had thought that Catholic worship was pomp and ceremony, but what I saw and felt was a conduit to my Lord. I could not stay away. I started attending Mass every morning on my way to work. Twenty-four hours seemed like such a long time to wait to come back again.

A year ago, on Holy Thursday, I had accepted an invitation to a banquet at the Petroleum Club. At that time, I had not yet begun RCIA. So, when I accepted the invitation, I did not realize that I would miss the Mass of the Lord’s Supper. During the evening, something told me that I was at the wrong banquet. I got up and ran to my car, drove to St. Mary’s, miraculously found a parking spot and was just on time for the beginning of the Mass. I was not sure why I was there, but when Bishop McGrattan started washing the feet of those who had been chosen, I felt the most overwhelming spiritual sensation and nothing else mattered. It was like a river cascading in my head. At that moment, I knew that I would be baptized the next Easter.

I must admit that my baptism at the Easter Vigil this year was a bit stressful – it was a departure from my past and I was confused and anxious. Now I realize that baptism is not simply an event, it is the beginning of a new life. While I didn’t feel an overwhelming sensation when I was baptized, I have felt a peace that is so beautiful and continuous since then. Something else happened as well – at my first confession. I needed to go, and I thought confession would be miserable with the priest scolding me. I didn’t want to go, and I rehearsed what I would say many times. But it was the most amazing experience – a loving priest understood me and gave me just the guidance I needed (and not what I had expected). 
 
I still feel the same way – every Mass is a spectacular adventure where I get to feel His love. I miss my beautiful Hannah, and I go and say a prayer at her grave each day. I know that “those who sow with tears will reap with shouts of joy” and I look forward to seeing Hannah again. And I am so thankful for my new life. I know that He died that we might live.
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Submitted by Mark Anderson, from St. Mary's Cathedral Parish. Photos courtesy of Maria Hernandez. 
1 Comment
Roy Ifill
5/9/2024 10:18:08 pm

I find stories like this greatly uplifting and encouraging. They are evidence that the Holy Spirit moves within and amongst us, which is why Mark sensed that he "was at the wrong banquet" and got to Mass in time!

Mark, I pray that every blessing will overtake you, and I strongly encourage you to become a Knight of Columbus. COR and the fellowship of brothers will blow you away!

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