Keeping kids safe from pornography

​​I was working in our garden shed one day when one of my teenage sons came in and asked me if he could get the Snapchat app on his phone. As a Gen X parent raising kids in the digital age, my kids know more about digital technology than I do. However, I was aware that on this particular app, images are sent and received and then disappear in a few seconds at the other end. My initial thought was, “what would be the purpose of an app like this other than to allow the sending of inappropriate images?”

I had to think quickly. Before entering the password into his phone to allow him to download the app, I had an opportunity for a conversation. 

I asked him why he thought Snapchat was created and how he planned to use it. He told me that a lot of his friends had it and were using it to chat and send photos. We then chatted about my concerns of using it for sexting, bullying and communicating in a space that lacks accountability. 

At that moment, I realized that it would not be a matter of IF he saw inappropriate images or pornography, but WHEN. So, we reviewed an earlier conversation about the dangers of pornography, the exploitation of others and how pornography can become addictive. 

I also knew that if I wanted him to come to me if he ever struggled with pornography, I needed to let him know how I would respond before it happened. So, I assured him of three things:

1. I would not take away his phone or any of his devices.
2. I would not discipline him, or make him feel guilt or shame; instead, I would thank him for telling me.
3. We would work together and explore a way forward.

I take this relational, proactive approach with my kids. Here are my top tips for keeping your kids safe from porn:

• Parent Tip #1 – Develop a healthy skepticism for what the Internet offers and how it can be used. 
• Parent Tip #2 - Every time your child wants a new device, game or app, you have an opportunity to have a conversation about it.
• Parent Tip #3 – Help your child to see things from your perspective.
• Parent Tip #4 – Identify the risks, set standards, and communicate clear expectations.  
• Parent Tip #5 – Relationship with our kids come first. They need our grace and understanding if they are going to let us be a part of their lives and walk this journey with them. 

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Written by Cliff Wiebe, Community Development Specialist | Calgary Pregnancy Centre