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Where are you in your miscarriage journey?

This is a working document.  ​[Once the resources are confirmed, the following options will be linked to the appropriate subheadings below]
I just found out that I’m miscarrying
  • I’m seeking medical advice.

    ​Please contact your doctor. In case of emergency, call 911, or Healthlink at 811 for non-emergency. You can also 
    visit the following sites from the Alberta Health Services:
    • Alberta Health resources on Miscarriage |  Stillbirth
  • How to care for my baby’s remains?
  • What are my options for burial or cremation for my baby? 
  • What are my options in rituals and prayers?  ​
  • I need resources on coping with grief or mourning
  • Other resources
I have already miscarried
  • I do have my baby’s remains
    • ​Appropriate ways to inter my Baby’s remains? 
    • Burial or cremations for your baby 
  • I don’t have my baby’s remain
    • ​Rituals and Prayers
  • I need resources on coping with grief or mourning
Someone I know had a miscarriage
  • How to support grieving parents 
  • Coping with grief or mourning
  • Resources
“You formed my inmost being; you knit me in my mother’s womb. I praise you, because I am wonderfully made; wonderful are your works! My very self you know. My bones are not hidden from you, When I was being made in secret, fashioned in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw me unformed; in your book all are written down. My days were shaped, before one came to be.

​How precious to me are your designs, O God; how vast the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the sands; when I complete them, still you are with me.”  

- ​Psalm 139: 13-1

Caring for your baby's remains

“From the moment of conception, the life of every human being is to be respected in an absolute way (...); his whole being bears the image of the Creator.” (Donum Vitae, Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, Introduction no. 5.
[Intro]
  • Catholic Miscarriage Support: Caring for your Baby's Body

What happens to my baby’s remains if I deliver at a hospital in the Calgary Zone?
  • Inquire about the option of taking your baby home, or making arrangements with a funeral service.
  • Most if not all funeral service companies will guide you through the services they offer either free of charge or at a significant discount.
    • [List funeral service companies]

​We understand that in some cases it may not be possible to find or retrieve the baby’s remains.

​What are appropriate ways to inter your Baby's remains? 
  • The remains should either be buried or cremated, and if cremated, the remains should be buried or entombed.
    [Insert information on coffins/vessels and packages that the Miscarriage committee will be deploying throughout the Diocese]
    [Listing of columbarium in the DIocese for cremated remains] 

Burial options for miscarried and stillborn babies in the Diocese

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born, I set you apart; appointed you as a prophet to the nations."  Jeremiah 1:5
[Intro blurb]
  • [Info and download link to soft copy of the Diocese care package about a care package / St. Paul - Minneapolis Diocese]
  • [Listing of Cemeteries / funeral services here]
  • [Services offered by each funeral home and their pricing]​
  • ​Link to CCCB Document on burial

Coping with grief or mourning

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” Matthew 5:5
[Blurb: the importance of getting community support, validation of grief]
In the Calgary and surrounding area please reach out to:
  • Your parish community and fellow parishioners
  • Your parish priest 
  • Your parish bereavement team 
  • The Hospital Pastoral Team  
  • Calgary Diocesan Miscarriage and Stillborn Care Ministry 

Many Calgary and surrounding area Parishes also have: 
  • Prayers for the sick and dying or the deceased, you can request your name or the name of your child or loved one to be placed on these lists
  • Prayer chains, you can request prayers from these groups ​
The Calgary Diocese has available: 
  • Miscarriage kits (coming soon)
  • Burial kits (coming soon)
  • Annual Diocesan Memorial Service for Miscarried and Stillbirth Infants - miscarriageliturgy.ca 
  • Certificate of Blessing and Dedication 
  • Prayer for the unborn 
  • A letter from the Pastoral Ministry Office

The question of Baptism

I have called you by name, you are mine.”
​Isaiah 43:1
In many instances of early childhood loss there is no possibility to administer the sacrament of Baptism prior to the death of the child.  If a child is alive, the child is to be baptized if this is possible (CIC< Can 871). However, when the child has already died, baptism should not be administered, since the sacraments are for the living.  What becomes of a child who dies in utero is a profound mystery rooted in the reality of original sin.  Jesus’ instruction to baptize, and God’s desire to save all people.  The Church’s teaching is very consoling for parents who have had miscarriages or who have suffered the deaths of young children before they were baptized.  Paragraph #1261 of the Catechism of the Catholic Church addresses the status of children who die without Baptism: As regards children who have died without Baptism, the Church can only entrust them to the mercy of God, as she does in her funeral rites for them.  Indeed the great mercy of God who desires that all men should be saved and Jesus’ tenderness toward children which caused him to say ‘Let them come to me, do not hinder them’ allow us to hope that there is a way of salvation for children who have died without baptism.” CCC#1261
While Baptism is ordinarily required for salvation, the Church recognizes that God is not bound by His sacraments and can still bring about the salvation of the unbaptized.  In this vein, the Church has recognized the desire for Baptism as having the same effects of sacramental Baptism when circumstances prevent the actual administration of the sacrament (CCC 1258-60)

Just as an adult who is invincibly ignorant of the need for Baptism may be saved through an implicit Baptism of desire, even more can we hope that an infant who died without Baptism may be saved.  
St. Bernard of Clairvaux, a Doctor of the Church, said in response to parents asking about the fate of their miscarried child: ​
Your faith spoke for this child. Baptism for the child was only delayed by time. Your faith suffices. The waters of your womb - were they not the waters of life for this child? Look at your tears. Are they not like the waters of Baptism? Do not fear this.  God’s ability to love is greater than our fears. Surrender everything to God.” St. Bernard of Clairvaux
Read:  The Hope of Salvation for Infants Who Die Without Being Baptized (Vatican)

Source: Pregnancy & Early Infant Loss: A Handbook for Parents, Syracuse Diocesan Website. Used with permission. 

Prayers, Saints and Reflections

Below are the rituals our Church prepare for our miscarried or stillbirth infant [Lia - list ritual resources form Order of Funeral & equivalent prayer services]
  • Vigil of Funeral of Children who died before baptism
  • Funeral of Children who died before baptism
  • Memorial Service for miscarried or stillbirth infant - for Parish or Diocesan Service [Lia - pdf] 
  • Naming Ceremonies:
    • ​Naming and Memorial Service- PDF (from Saskatoon Diocese) 
    • Order for the Naming and Commendation of an Infant Who Died Before Birth (St. Louis)
  • Blessing of Parents after a Miscarriage or Stillbirth (USCCB)
  • Prayer to avoid a miscarriage to St. Catherine of Siena (Catholic Doors)
  • Miscarriage Prayer (Mother M. Angelica)
    ​
Reflections for Families and Professionals 
https://dbqarch.org/beholdyourchild
From the Saints
“We shall find our little ones again up above.” St. Zelie Martin

Seek intercession from the following Saints below:
  • St. Gerard Majella - Patron Saint of expectant mothers, women in childbirth, and motherhood
  • St. Catherine of Siena - Patron Saint of Miscarriages 
  • St. Catherine of Sweden - Patron Saint for those who have suffered miscarriage
  • St. Gianna Beretta Molla - Patron Saint of expectant mothers, women in childbirth, and motherhood
  • Our Lady of Guadalupe - Patroness of the Unborn 
  • St Joseph - Patron of the Unborn

Supporting Grieving Parents

Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” Romans 12:15
[Intro]
What to say
  • “I’m so sorry for your loss."
  • “I’m thinking of you.”
  • "I’m here for you if you want to cry, if you need a hug or if you want to talk.”
  • "How can I help?"
  • “It’s ok to cry.”
  • “Be gentle to yourself.”
 
What you can do
  • Send a card or flowers
  • Bring a meal, organize a meal train, help with children or other household chores
  • Suggest specific ways you can help, “I’m free on Tuesday, can I come by to do your laundry, or watch your children.”
  • Remember the father when giving condolences
  • Use the baby’s name if the baby was given one
  • Commemorate anniversaries
  • Consider giving a lasting tribute
  • Remember milestones that would of happened and send a note or offer an opportunity for parents to talk about their child
  • Give them the link to this page 

What not to say
  • Avoid offering advice
  • "Be grateful for the children you do have."
  • “I know how you feel.”
  • "It was God’s will.”
  • "It is for the best."
  • “This is part of God’s plan.”
  • "Be strong."
  • "God doesn't give you more than you can handle."
  • “Everything happens for a reason.”
  • "At least you know you can get pregnant.”
  • “You can always try again” (RB)
  • “At least you weren’t further along.”

What to expect
  • Ups and downs days
  • Sadness
  • Want space and time to mourn
  • May wish to memorialize their child
  • Some may wish keep it private
  • Days leading up to and after the death anniversary will continue to affect them in the years to come
  • Fear of future loss
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