There are days Annemieke Henri has to make herself leave her home in Bowness. Widowed just months ago, she knows that it’s important for her to be around other people. She knows it’s good for her to get her own groceries, attend Mass and meet up with long-time friends to golf, bowl or snowshoe, activities she enjoys. Henri also knows that her forays into the world sometimes do little to stem what can feel like a rising tide of sadness. Grief is like that. Even when you have others to grieve with, you grieve alone.
Henri’s husband, the beloved Deacon Albert Henri, died August 28, 2018. Diagnosed with stage four lung cancer just 48 days earlier, “he’d never been sick before, never been in hospital,” recalls Henri. A mother and grandmother, she grieves Albert’s loss in her family. “I also grieve his loss as a deacon’s wife. We were deeply connected to the parishes of St. Bernard’s and Holy Name.”
Does Henri take comfort in her faith? Absolutely. “At this point, I hope and believe that Albert is in heaven; that he is home. Without my faith, I would have been really lost.” But make no mistake; while faith gives Henri a kind of life raft, there are days—and moments in almost every day— when it doesn’t feel like the raft will hold.
When grief fuels despair
Peggy Tan knows what it feels like when grief fuels despair. Several years ago, Tan lost her mother and father-in-law in close proximity. “It was devastating to our family.” Struggling through the intense emotional pain, she joined a grief support group at her parish, St. Michael’s.
Now known as Grief Share, the program runs for eight weeks beginning in January and September. Those who need more immediate support are linked to a companion program. “We are not counselors, but we listen. It’s good for the person who is grieving to know they are not alone,” says Tan, one of the three parishioners who coordinate grief support at St. Michael’s.
While most GriefShare participants are Catholic, many begin the program angry with God. Following a Christian program developed in the U.S., GriefShare uses prayer to help participants rekindle their trust in God, says Tan.
Annemieke Henri hasn’t ruled out joining a support group in the future. For now, she seeks comfort in family and long-time friendships, including one with the widow of another deacon. She is also learning that it’s okay to sometimes want to be alone in her grief. On Christmas Day, for example, Henri took a few hours away from family to be alone. “I started fretting about that first Christmas alone way before Christmas. I took some time that day to feel that deep loss, to want it to wash over me and to feel my connection with God.”
As grief is a profoundly personal experience, it’s not uncommon for people to reach out for grief support years after a loss, says Tan. “People have to be ready and the Holy Spirit will guide them.”
Written by: Joy Gregory
Starting off a new year with at least one resolution is a common practice. We promise our self to change something, to put something behind, or to embark on a newly formed habit. This new year 2019 consider a pilgrimage as part of a new year’s resolution. Pilgrimage can be as varied as the people considering them; not only as a metaphorical image of life itself, for we are all on a journey heavenward. What we hope to gain or to satisfy is part of an inner journey that we make, often to a physical place of religious significance. It can be an act of curiosity, a devotion to atone for sins or to implore a grace for ourselves or others.
If you are one of those who are contemplating a pilgrimage this year or perhaps leading a group yourself there are some tips that you should consider when planning or organizing a pilgrimage.
For further information on planning a pilgrimage, feel free to contact Mary Ann Donaleshen at 403-466-2432.
Sunday January 6, 2019
Written by: Mary Ann Donaleshen
Dear Friends and Family,
Tuesday, starting at 5 pm, a group of us gathered at St. Mary’s Church in Brooks to pray for my Grandmother and her soul. We asked Christ to intervene in convincing her and others that dying a natural death allows God’s grace and mercy to be poured out upon all people involved.
We sang many beautiful hymns, prayed the Chaplet of Divine Mercy, sat in silence, Adored Christ in the Blessed Sacrament and celebrated Holy Mass together. Afterwards, a group of people gathered at my home for fellowship, food and drink. We toasted to my Grandmother’s life and to one another.
Please continue to pray for my Grandmother to accept natural death as a gift to her and to our family. Also, pray for ways that we may influence society to understand the graces poured out upon us when we visit the suffering and care for them as we would want to be cared for ourselves. Increased personal support and prayer support for those in poor health will reduce the chances of people seeking physician assisted suicide.
Thank you to all of you who prayed for my Grandmother, for my family and for our world. I know that well over a hundred people agreed to pray and that four masses were offered up by priests and a Bishop and a Brother for my Grandmother on the day she was scheduled to die. Intercessory prayer IS heard and has the power to change the future.
Pope Francis, in Evangelii Gaudium, mentions intercessory prayer.
A great brief meditation on intercessory prayer:
283. The great men and women of God were great intercessors. Intercession is like “a leaven in the heart of the Trinity”. It is a way of penetrating the Father’s heart and discovering new dimensions which can shed light on concrete situations and change them. We can say that God’s heart is touched by our intercession, yet in reality he is always there first. What our intercession achieves is that his power, his love and his faithfulness are shown ever more clearly in the midst of the people.
After this experience, I am filled with thankfulness to God and his great mercy and for the people of God who continue to pray for each other. Most of all, the message I receive from this situation is, Prayer is Powerful and Prayer Works! I feel drawn to pray with other people more often using song, scripture, Prayers of the Faithful, the Chaplet of Divine Mercy, the Holy Rosary and daily Mass.
In closing, I would like to invite you to think about spending a half hour a week supporting a person who is suffering. If you are a person who is interested in visiting people in the palliative care unit in Brooks, please let me know. I’ll help you and partner up with you, if you like. In addition, if you would like to visit people in palliative care units or hospices in other cities, but don’t know how to go about it, please let me know. I can provide you with a step-by-step guide explaining how to approach care unit staff in order to gain access to patients who want visitors. In addition, the guide includes recommended strategies that will allow your visits go well.
Again, thank you for your prayers, your emails, phone calls and personal visits associated with my Grandma’s situation. You have been Christ’s light in the darkness.
With gratitude and increased faith,
Catholic Pastoral Centre Staff and Guest Writers