Overcoming Darkness: A story of faith, healing, and transformation

I was born into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormons).

​I had a challenging childhood. My mother struggled with addictions, resulting in my brother and I, and our two stepbrothers being left unattended for long stretches. I was twelve when I started working full time. Working, high school, church, and girls proved to be quite the challenge to juggle. By the time I was 16, I had bill paying, grocery shopping and so on down pat. Members of the ward helped us out more and more, making sure that there was food for us, and that my little brothers had daycare and babysitting arrangements while my brother and I were at school or at work. There were times when we went two to three days when the only food in the house was oatmeal and condiments.

As I got older the pressure to go on a mission when I turned 18 grew. I had no desire to do that because it was expensive and I had no faith that the Book of Mormon was true. I continued to read the bible though, and gained a better understanding of what Christ had done, as well as all the amazing Old Testament stories.

​Graduating from high school was an amazing achievement for me. As was the day my wife and I got married in 2002. What a glorious day that was! Looking back, my wife and I chuckle at how we were babies compared to the adults we are now. We had 2 beautiful kids, a son and a daughter. We attended the LDS church sometimes and both kids were baptized in the Mormon faith, but that was as far as it went.

​I got a job in the oilfields as a journeyman pipefitter and worked there for 15 years. The job was physically and emotionally stressful. I began drinking to cope with pain from injuries and trauma from accidents I witnessed. It was all part of the ‘oilfield culture’. Because I was gone from home for long stretches of time, I struggled with a new addiction: pornography. In 2013, I was arrested for drunk driving. I don’t remember much, but I do remember the amount of heartache and money it cost my family. This almost destroyed my marriage. So, I decided to get sober. I have a lot of regrets about this period of my life, but the two biggest are that I didn’t get to enjoy my kids growing up and I was a terrible husband. God bless my wife (we have been married 22 years) for being such a strong and wonderful woman.

Eventually, I lost my job in the oil patch due to the industry downturn. I got a job in Medicine Hat, which meant our family was finally together. My desire for pornography lessened but didn’t stop. COVID arrived, and it was hard on our teenage children, especially my son, who fell down the wrong path. He dropped out of school, and there seemed to be total disorder in our home. In June of 2023, when my son got into serious trouble, I felt that I failed as a husband, a father, and a human being. It was a very low point in my life. 

It always seems that the low points of our life are where we become closest to God. Before I continue, I want to be clear that looking back at my life, I see that God has intervened a lot for one man. He helped me through all the hardships I endured. However, the anguish I had over my son—where his life might end up and my role in his downfall—almost broke me. After a terrifying ‘waking dream,’ I found myself outside a church. I snuck into the back and listened as Mass started. I clumsily followed along with what everyone else was doing. When we got to the part, “Behold the Lamb of God, behold him who takes away the sins of the world,” I felt an overwhelming outpouring of love and cried openly. Afterwards, I expressed my desire to join the Catholic faith. A parishioner told me about RCIA and promptly offered to be my sponsor.

RCIA wasn’t starting until September, but I decided to start researching the Catholic faith immediately. It was an undertaking, but the fire of the Holy Spirit helped. I bought a Catholic Bible and a Catholic Catechism book. I discovered the rosary and watched YouTube videos to learn how to pray it. I attended Mass every Tuesday. By the time RCIA started in September, I had been through the Bible once already. RCIA was amazing. There was a lot of information—not just dogma, but tradition, which had previously been a stumbling block for me. I also explored writings by Christian teachers like St. Augustine. ​

 I snuck into the back and listened as Mass started. I clumsily followed along with what everyone else was doing. When we got to the part, “Behold the Lamb of God, behold him who takes away the sins of the world,” I felt an overwhelming outpouring of love and cried openly. Afterwards, I expressed my desire to join the Catholic faith."

Someone mentioned I should read about the life of St. Padre Pio, which changed how I approached the course. Instead of just seeking knowledge, I spent time praying. I prayed the rosary daily and meditated on the mysteries. The rosary is an amazing prayer, but initially, it felt weird because Mormons don’t pray by rote; they pray spontaneously. I asked St. Padre Pio to help me overcome thoughts of lust. Day by day, those feelings evaporated into nothing. They say it takes 30 days to break a habit. It took me half a lifetime to overcome pornography. 

Then in November, I had a heart attack. I had pain in my chest all Saturday morning, and it got worse as the day went on. Heading to the dinner table, I stumbled to my knees. I had never felt pain like that before and told my wife we should go to the hospital. I felt compelled to grab my rosary and bring it with me. I prayed the rosary throughout the whole experience. Twelve hours later, they finally told me I was out of danger and could go home to rest. I felt like I had gone twelve rounds in the ring, but I still went to Sunday Mass and back to work the following week. 

At RCIA, after hearing about my heart attack, Deacon Terry asked if I would like to receive an Anointing of the Sick. He set it up with Fr. Roque, and afterwards, I had one of the best sleeps I’d had in a very long time. I felt rejuvenated. A few weeks later, I had follow-up heart tests. The cardiologist said, “You must have done something,” because apparently all my tests were normal, suggesting that I hadn’t had a heart attack! “What did you do?” the doctor asked. “You wouldn’t believe me,” I replied, before telling him about my anointing and heartfelt prayers.

I was blessed beyond measure with the RCIA program. My family is doing better, and my son, who I was so worried about, has changed his life drastically and even comes to Sunday Mass with me sometimes. The number of people willing to pray for me and my family is tremendous and has had such a positive impact. There have been struggles, but they are minor in comparison to the path my family was on. The Lord works in mysterious ways.

 I do remember the exact moment I was able to take Jesus inside of me for the first time. It is difficult to put into words, but after the vigil, I felt different and the same at once. I felt peace, warmth, and light enter me."

On Ash Wednesday, I wore the cross of ashes on my forehead all day. Throughout Lent, I asked God to do with me as He willed, offering up my worry and concern for my family. The Stations of the Cross became a solace for me. On Holy Thursday, I volunteered to have my foot washed. I was so nervous. The ceremony and the Mass were so beautiful I could hardly hold back tears. I went home that night and read from the Bible about Jesus being tempted in the wilderness. I decided that I would fast from that evening until the Easter Vigil was over to prepare myself to receive Jesus. On Good Friday, my family showed up to support me, from Edmonton, Calgary, Texas, and Utah. It was amazing to have everyone in the house.
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I don’t remember much from the baptism and the confirmation. I do remember the exact moment I was able to take Jesus inside of me for the first time. It is difficult to put into words, but after the vigil, I felt different and the same at once. I felt peace, warmth, and light enter me. There have been some massive changes in my life, but I know that this is just the beginning.

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Written by Ray, a parishioner of St. Patrick's, Medicine Hat. Abridged by Alice Matisz. Photos courtesy of Ray and St. Patrick's Parish. For the unabridged story, email [email protected] for a copy.