Linda Kinahan: Reflections from the wife of a deacon

It is hard to believe that two years have already passed since Brian was ordained to the Permanent Diaconate. The time has gone by quickly, and while life has certainly become busier, it has also become deeply fulfilling, filled with blessings, joy, peace, and countless moments of grace.

Our diaconate life truly began the moment we returned home from the ordination celebration in Calgary. Almost immediately, we found ourselves serving at a friend’s prayer memorial service. It was a powerful reminder that the diaconate is not simply a role within the Church, but a way of life rooted in service, accompaniment, and compassion.

One of the first adjustments for me was sitting alone in the pew while Brian ministered at the altar. For many years, we had always sat together. At first, it felt unfamiliar, but over time, I came to appreciate it as an opportunity to become more prayerful and reflective during Mass.

Like many deacons’ wives, I quickly discovered that ministry can easily become overwhelming if boundaries are not carefully maintained. The many invitations to serve and say “yes” can slowly add up until you suddenly realize you are exhausted. I am still learning the importance of balance and of intentionally making space for rest, prayer, and family life.

The journey has not been without challenges. Family responsibilities, caring for loved ones, and the demands of ministry have sometimes stretched us emotionally and spiritually. There were moments during formation and ministry when family members may not have fully understood why we needed to step away from certain events or commitments. Yet through every difficulty, God has continued to provide peace, strength, and reassurance.

One blessing throughout this journey has been learning how important it is to work together as husband and wife. Brian often shares his homilies with me before preaching, and I offer suggestions or encouragement where I can. At times, when ministry begins to consume too much of our schedule, I gently remind him to slow down and regain balance. During formation, we were told that spouses would sometimes need to help bring “reality” back into focus, and I have certainly found that to be true.

We have also learned the importance of intentionally nurturing our marriage amid the busyness of ministry. Sometimes the best thing we can do is simply step away together for an evening — sharing a meal, a glass of wine, and meaningful conversation. Those moments help reconnect us and remind us that our marriage itself is a vocation that needs care and attention.

I have always tried to participate in ministry alongside Brian whenever possible. Whether accompanying RCIA groups, helping with parish activities, or journeying with couples preparing for marriage, I see our service as something we share together. In many ways, walking with engaged couples has renewed and strengthened our own marriage as well.

Another tremendous gift has been the brotherhood and sisterhood formed within the diaconate community. The friendships built during formation have continued to deepen over the years. Even when schedules prevent us from gathering as often as we would like, we know we can rely on one another for prayer, encouragement, and support. It truly feels like an extended family.

As I continue this journey, one lesson stands out clearly: it is essential for deacons’ wives to protect time for their own spiritual renewal. In the midst of ministry and busyness, it is easy to neglect quiet time with God.
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To those wives whose husbands are currently in formation or approaching ordination, my advice is simple: communicate honestly, support one another, and never forget that you are not alone. There will be moments of joy and moments of exhaustion, but God will provide the grace and strength needed for the journey.

Linda Kinahan, St. Augustine's Parish, Taber.