Each One Visit One: Combatting Isolation

If there is an Epidemic of Loneliness among the elderly - and there is - then you are the antidote. Pope Francis in his message on the first World Day for Grandparents (June 2021) told the elderly, “The Lord continues to send angels to console your loneliness.” He went on to say these angels will, at times, have the face of their grandchildren or family members or lifelong friends, or those they have come to know. So, when we visit the elderly, we are effectively angelic messengers bringing God’s companionship and love to his people.

Our friends and relatives who are in seniors’ homes and care facilities are frequently in our thoughts, but sometimes they are physically distant from us. They may live hours away or perhaps be ‘cognitively far’ if they suffer from dementia. We struggle to connect with them and our frustration can lead to avoidance. However, we have a God-given mandate to visit the ‘imprisoned’, whether they be stuck within the walls of a building or the confines of their minds. And God wants us to accomplish this work with ease not difficulty, with joy not sufferance.
 
Sometimes our reluctance to visit stems from fear of our own future debilitation. Or care homes might resurrect painful memories of loved ones who have passed. However, often it’s simply a case of not knowing what to do or say. So here are some suggestions from people who live and work in a care homes:
 
Short and predictable visits are best
Nicole P., a recreation coordinator, said 30 minutes a week or fortnight is ideal. Val K., a resident agreed. “A physical visit versus a phone call shows that you care enough to come here”, Val said, “It makes us feel a part of something, somebody’s life.” Try to schedule regular visits the same way as you might schedule recreation.
 
Keep it light and positive
Val shared, “some people are afraid they will say the wrong thing, but you can talk about anything, or nothing! It’s not what you say it’s having someone pay attention (to us).” She also recommended playing music for your loved one using your phone. Pro tip: Commercial jingles and classic country are great icebreakers.
 
Be resident focused but not intrusive
Once you get to know the person you are visiting there are several options for further engagement. Nicole suggested going for a walk, outdoors if possible; reading a newspaper article or Chicken Soup story; examining old photographs of the area or even painting the resident’s fingernails or gently massaging lotion onto their hands. Some people crave this form of touch but not everyone does so be alert to body language.
 
Treats are fun
Home baking, Tim’s coffee or flowers from your garden are always welcome. However, both Val and Nicole reiterated that the visit itself is treat enough.
 
Adjust expectations
Don’t be disconcerted if your friend appears sleepy or lethargic, these are common side effects of boredom. Other potential issues are deafness, loss of memory and halting speech. Persevere and you will likely see the person become more active and talkative.
 
Pray ahead of your visit
God longs to bless you, and your elder through you, so that his light may shine in gloomy places. By all means pray with, and for, your friend, but also for yourself so that God’s grace will go with you on your mission of mercy.
 
Think outside the (family) circle
If your family members live too far away for regular check-ins, consider visiting someone who lives close by, perhaps a former parishioner, or neighbour, or a friend of a friend. Think of it as reciprocity towards the people who are visiting your own distant kin.
 
Finally, prepare to be amazed!
Visiting with elders and care home residents can be extremely rewarding in terms of relationships built and faith strengthened. The half hour you spend in company with someone who is lonely can lift both your spirits and make you want to come again.   

---

Submitted by Alice Matisz, Lethbridge. Photos Courtesy of Vivi & Mario Adiwibawa, parishioner of St. Albert the Great, Calgary.